Breathtaking. I'm not referring to natural wonders, artistic greatness, or written masterpieces. Just a smile, a giggle, little feet, and peek-a-boo. Yesterday, my littlest sweetheart and I played dress up and took pics. She's so happy to play this game, as long as she gets to see the pictures while they are being taken. This is good news for me as I try to catch a little piece of every day. I wasn't this persistent with the first three, perhaps I'm a little wiser now. Maybe it's because I know just how fleeting these moments really are. I would have never believed it when I was diapering the first ones but now... I cling to these times with a sort of desperation. This week alone, she learned to open candy wrappers, doors, and kitchen drawers. This drove me crazy with her siblings. Chasing them, keeping them out of things. With her, it makes me realize, time is moving. I hear it whispering, "Catch her while you can." I feel the passage of time. I'm not sad, not entirely, just... a little more appreciative. I'm proud of her achievements even if each one brings her closer to Independence. I would be lying though if I said I was entirely happy. It has also made me aware that I can't go back. I can't experience the older three growing up again, I wish I could. There are so many things I feel I didn't pay enough attention to. I tried my hardest. I don't doubt for a minute that I did my best, I worked hard to make things perfect for them, so hard, in fact, that I was too tired to appreciate special moments like I should have. Too tired to take pictures and too tired preserve memories. So for now, I capture, cling to, and live in each breathtaking moment with her. Perfection be damned.
